60th Issue: A look back at the way we were

WINTER OLYMPICS
In the future, this will be all that we remember

THE CEREAL ISSUE: EXPOSING THE DARK SIDE OF BREAKFAST FOOD
Food for thought. "Snap, Crackle, Pop" isn't the same anymore.

POSTCARD FROM PRAGUE
If Kafka had read this, he'd have cheered up immensely.

OSCAR NATION
This one was read by the Hollywood intelligentsia, i.e., nobody

CONTROVERSIAL STATEN ISLAND POST, SENT IN BY A DISGRUNTLED CORRESPONDENT
Uncannily timed, this was published right before the scrub fires

THE FILM ISSUE #6: GRAB-BAG!
A desperate ploy to capture your attention, garner studio ads

THE FILM ISSUE #7: ANOTHER ONE ALREADY?
See above.

EUROPA, EUROPA
A wry travelogue from our bereted and worldly erotic expert

BAD DAY AT THE OFFICE
This has been labeled nonfiction by the powers that be.

60TH ISSUE: A LOOK BACK AT THE WAY WE WERE
Thank you for reading Ten Words. We're doing our best.

Bad Day at the Office

Corporate Doublespeak
"We love your work. Now cut costs by two thirds."

Applicant's Conundrum
"To apply, you must create your own detailed job description."

Over/Under Qualified
You know--damned if you are, damned if you aren't.

Paper Cut
I didn't wear the envelope gloves again. Stings in water.

Carpal Tunnel Syndrome
Wrist braces turn trips to the urinal into small nightmares.

Computer Just Crashed
We'd call our tech friend, but she got laid off.

So Your Office Is a Brain-Zapping Fluro-Zone
It makes sense that they'd provide decent coffee, but nooooooo.

Job Protection
"Hey, we're not getting rid of your job--just you."

Seeing the Bossman on the Subway After Work
There's a photo of this next to "awkward" in Webster's.

Europa, Europa

ITALY

Coffee tastes better from tiny mugs as Berlusconi grins sharkishly

ITALIAN TV

A bird's eye view. Sparkles glisten in heaving cleavage mound

PARIS (I)

Prince Paul at nightclub. Young Parisians are anti Lil Jon.

PARIS (II)

Overcharged at brasserie. Benny Hill cell phone ring. At ease.

PIZZA PLACE IN VERONA

Tight pantsed metal cover band: "Highway to Hell." Fresh cheeses.

DONA VICINA

Small farm. Not my memories. Leaping dog stains her coat.

VENICE

That reggae band sure was terrible. Kissing's still fun though.

VENICE (II)
Mangy dog in wine bar. Muddy Waters feels his pain.

VENICE (III)

Favorite films on restaurant mat. Is it still Rio Bravo?

VERONA

Those swastikas are a little off-putting. Hey, there's Juliet!

The Film Issue #7: Another One Already?

THE COLOR OF MONEY
Not one of Scorsese's best, but man, what camera work!

DARKON
South By Southwest documentary hit which deserves a
wider audience.

CLINT EASTWOOD
Why is he always squinting? Dude, just get some
sunglasses.

HELL IS FOR HEROES
The United States Army's unfair advantage over
Germany: Steve McQueen.

BASIC INSTINCT 2
Pay ten bucks, watch Stone bang her way across Europe.

EDWARD D. WOOD JR.
Director of the very best bad movies of all time.

L'ENFANT
Don't know what it's about, can't wait to see it.

GEORGE CLOONEY
Won an acting Oscar for Syriana for directing another
movie.

X-MEN: THE LAST STAND
Looks like an even worse adaptation than Howard the
Duck.

ALL OF DAVID CRONENBERG'S MOVIES IN ONE LINE OF
DIALOGUE
"I'm talking about penetration beyond the veil of the flesh!"

The Film Issue #6: Grab-bag!

Game 6
DeLillo enthusiasts and Red Sox fans hail new favorite movie.

In the Mood for Love
Consensus is that this beats 2046. But is consensus wrong?

L'Avventura
Men appear on the balcony, men appear all around her.

Marnie (I)
"I don't get it" "You're not supposed to get it."

Marnie (II)
"I typed it myself, and I'm a very creative typist."

Marnie (III)
"This building is grounded, Mrs. Taylor. You're quite safe here."

Marnie (IV)
The color red, three taps, lightning storms: Be very afraid.

Marnie (V)
Find what the sailor has hidden: Ship looms beyond street.

V for Vendetta
They only had one chance to do the shaving scene.

Wheel of Time
Imagine a pilgrimage of thousands of miles, covered by bellyflop.

Controversial Staten Island post, sent in by a disgruntled correspondent

DO THE RIGHT THING
It’s wrong not to like Staten Island. But it’s true.

THE TRUTH
I don’t like Staten Island. It’s just so far away.

THE CANINE FACTOR
You have to take this ferry. Get sniffed by dogs.

THE DRUG FACTOR
They’re drug-sniffing dogs. Or so they say. Not the dogs.

A PLAN
Want to outsmart the dogs? Put drugs in your sock.

CONTROVERSIAL/HYPOTHETICAL
Then bomb the ferry. Then they won’t make you go.

THIS IS TOO MUCH
Bomb the island. Not the island... No, bomb the island.

THE YOGURT FACTOR
Put them out of their misery. I just wanted yogurt.

DON'T CALL ME "CHICK"
These girls were like, “Hey, that chick’s eating a yogurt.”

OY
You want yogurt? You want me to show you yogurt?

NO ONE TOLD US ABOUT SRI LANKAN FOOD
What do you people eat here? There’s nothing but ferry.

Oscar Nation

GEORGE CLOONEY
Endearing remark: Mentioning his "Sexiest Man Alive" citation from 1997.

CRASH: THE TEN WORDS REMIX
Rash? Cash? Ash? Cars? Car? Scar? Has? Arc? Arcs? Sac?

HEATH LEDGER
His name is a notebook for thoughts on wild scrub.

ANG LEE
Deeply moving shoutout to a quarter of the world's population.

MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA
A surprising number of second-tier awards for this embarrassment.

JACK NICHOLSON
Tipsy? Hearing secret harmonies? Either way, he read incorrect title!

RYAN PHILLIPPE
Looked exhausted when Reese got her O. "Here we go..."

JON STEWART
From certain angles, strong jawline recalls that of friend's brother

RACHEL WEISZ
So beautiful, straight women doubt. Still, prefer Mummy to Gardener.

WHAT TV AUDIENCES DIDN'T GET TO SEE
Paul Giamatti doing one-handed pushups on the red carpet.

Postcard From Prague

BEING OFFERED FRENCH LITERATURE BY STREET HUSTLERS
Flaubert and Proust, OK—but I ain't no Houllebecq girl!

CHEAP BEER IN PUBS
Bury your face in a glass to avoid secondhand smoke.

DOGSHIT
Icy weather provides crunch. It's like stepping on autumn leaves!

THE HONOR SYSTEM ON THE METRO
Less a token of trust than a Communist scare tactic.

KAFKA
Prague's official mascot, just as the "self-effacing" bastard always wanted

LUNACY, DIRECTED BY JAN SVANKMAJER
Two tongues fucking: Let's spend weeks untangling this metaphor, brother.

MTV EUROPE
Dear Mr. Euro TRL Programmer: Time to get beyond Beyoncé.

PITHILY BELLIGERENT WAITRESS
I say "give me a minute" and she responds "tick tock!"

SUDDEN RESURGENCE OF EUROPE'S "THE FINAL COUNTDOWN"
Call it EU solidarity, but I still blame Arrested Development.

SMAZENY SYR
This local delicacy translates as "fried cheese." Blunt and appealing.