Postcard From Prague

BEING OFFERED FRENCH LITERATURE BY STREET HUSTLERS
Flaubert and Proust, OK—but I ain't no Houllebecq girl!

CHEAP BEER IN PUBS
Bury your face in a glass to avoid secondhand smoke.

DOGSHIT
Icy weather provides crunch. It's like stepping on autumn leaves!

THE HONOR SYSTEM ON THE METRO
Less a token of trust than a Communist scare tactic.

KAFKA
Prague's official mascot, just as the "self-effacing" bastard always wanted

LUNACY, DIRECTED BY JAN SVANKMAJER
Two tongues fucking: Let's spend weeks untangling this metaphor, brother.

MTV EUROPE
Dear Mr. Euro TRL Programmer: Time to get beyond Beyoncé.

PITHILY BELLIGERENT WAITRESS
I say "give me a minute" and she responds "tick tock!"

SUDDEN RESURGENCE OF EUROPE'S "THE FINAL COUNTDOWN"
Call it EU solidarity, but I still blame Arrested Development.

SMAZENY SYR
This local delicacy translates as "fried cheese." Blunt and appealing.