2006

ANNOYING SCRUFFY HIPSTERS ON THE SUBWAY AT 1 A.M. ON JANUARY 1, IMITATING THE HOMELESS GUY WHO HAD HIS JACKET COVERING HIS HEAD TRYING TO SLEEP AND BLOCK OUT THEIR CHATTER
Laughing, taking pictures of yourselves doing this is actually evil.

"AULD LANG SYNE" (TRAD.)
I think they misspelled "old." And "long," and, um, "sign"?

THE FUTURE
Generator of much anxiety. Best referred to in the abstract.

THE PAST
Cannot be recovered, except in long works of foreign literature.

PIGS IN A BLANKET
They had these at the party. Also little quiches, brownies.

THE PRESENT
It's happening as you read this. It's seeping away now.

REGRETS
These will kill you if you let them. Be happy!

RESOLUTIONS
Try to be a nicer person. Develop friendly godlike omniscience.

"ROSALITA," BY BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN AND THE E. STREET BAND
Great song! (This has nothing to do with New Year's.)

TIMES SQUARE EXTRAVAGANZA, OR HISTORY REVERSAL BEGINS NOW
From certain angles, the giant lit "2006" looked like "2004."