Family

DAD
Thanks for playing catch with me, and instilling moral sense.

GRANNY
Buried vodka with her ashes. Favorite Brand: Jewel of Russia.

MOM
Thanks for giving birth to and raising me. You're awesome.

ON BEING A FATHER
More mindset than identity. Most other dads really bug me.

SECOND COUSIN ONCE REMOVED
Am not sure exactly how we're related, but that's cool.

SECOND COUSIN TWICE REMOVED
Who are you? Do we even look alike? What's shakin'?

SON, AT SIX MONTHS
I love your screachy cornball enthusiasm, your show-offy breastfeeding techniques.

STEPFATHER
Had a few. One: Hunter, perm, dentures, called me "newt."

TWIN
You win. Stop competing. (Though, I am a minute older.)

WIFE
Darling, you are a spectacular human being. Let's get lunch.