A.M. Homes—Variations

ESTHER IN THE NIGHT: ESTHER IN THE NIGHTIE
A softcore and almost tasteful spin on the biblical standby.

JACK: SACK
In this unspeakably dirty lipogram, every word rhymes with "snack."

MUSIC FOR TORCHING: MUSIC FOR TOUCHING
A group of wooden pyromaniacs sings very sad, slow songs.

SLUMBER PARTY: SLUMBER PARTY
L-Word junkies, beware: This story is a total sausage factory.

THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW: THINGS YOU SHOULD SHOW
Dogwalker gets busted for indecent exposure. Pet owners plan jailbreak.

ADULTS ALONE: ADULTS ALONE
ADULTS ALONE ADULTS ALONE ADULTS ALONE ADULTS ALONE.

CHUNKY IN HEAT: CHUNKY IN HEAT
There's no peanut butter involved here—but there is jelly.

THE END OF ALICE: THE END OF ALICE?
Lewis Carroll gets beaten to death by a sultry walrus.

THIS BOOK WILL SAVE YOUR LIFE: THIS BOOK WILL FUCK YOU UP
Empathize with its middle-aged protag at your own risk.

Ten Concerts Seen in Buffalo, New York

DIRTY PROJECTORS
Initially, felt sorry for paltry attendance; then, I left early.

AUTOLUX
Celebrity sighting! Unfortunately was only drummer's useless beau Giovanni Ribisi.

HOT HOT HEAT
Bays convincingly explained "Middle of Nowhere" wasn't descriptive of Buffalo

THE BLOOD BROTHERS
Depressing realization: I am twice as old as other attendees.

TED LEO + THE PHARMACISTS
Ted's boring patter—one fan's response: "Get on with it!"

DO MAKE SAY THINK
How many musicians fit on SoundLab's tiny stage? Answer: Nine.

DEERHOOF
Tall folks surround me; yet miniature jumping Satomi still visible.

THE WALKMEN
Hey, I remember that Saturn commercial! Fifteen times better live

BLACKALICIOUS
Free bear hugs for everyone from The Gift of Gab

JASON FORREST (DONNA SUMMER)
Revealed he is just another chubby guy born in Buffalo.