Life and How to Live It

I. PERSONAL APPEARANCE

GROWING A BEARD
Conjures respect from people you don't relate to at all.

HAIR
Haphazardly cut my own for five years. Saved a thou.


II. PETS

SUZIE BEA BEAGLE
Mom called her my sister. She ate garbage, entire hams.

MY CAT SCRAMBLES
Wore deli bags like capes. Tore the apartment to shreds.


III. DRUGS

K HOLES
Extremely inconvenient when you would rather be somewhere more specific.


IV. NATURE

WATERFALLS
They gush forth with whatever they're given, yet are often elegant.


V. FAMILY

MY OLDEST LIVING RELATIVES
Once widowed, both grandmothers torched their farmhouses, watched them burn.



VI. SNACKS

First hit it with a mallet. Then shave off slivers.


CODA: TWO HEADACHES
MIGRAINE
It is difficult to think about things outside my head.

SELF-PORTRAIT WITH MIGRAINE
How I despise her, as I become whiny migraine girl.