The Cat Issue, or "Otis"

BREATH
Jarring in the a.m. The marriage of fish and plaque.

CATNIP
More like cocaine than marijuana. Otis joneses, bullies, references McInerney.

CLAUDE
Round for a reason: Burns zero calories; still demands dinner.

CLAUDE (II)
Wily birds are so not fooled by her fractured cackle.

CLOSET
Irresistible deathtrap. Kitty fur carpet's a testement to its popularity.

LASER
A white—err, red—whale. Causes heavy breathing, temporary blindness.

OTIS
Sleeps on my chest and my girlfriend's head. Snores loudly.

OTIS (II)
Will let you make him dance. Canadians find it hilarious.

OTIS (III)
Swallows thread. Vet: "Only kittens do that." Me: "He's five!"

WORK
Bats papers, gnaws rubber bands, purrs. "Is the café open?"