The Celebrity Issue

JESSICA ALBA
From Fantastic Four to Sin City, she's one pulchritudinous lady.

ALEXIS BLEDEL
Speaks Spanish. In Traveling Pants, character is of Greek descent.

GEORGE CLOONEY
He makes me want to shave with a straight razor.

ELIZABETH HURLEY
O Hugh Grant, why did you forsake her? Makes swimwear.

KEIRA KNIGHTLEY
Makes us all shout: "Bend it like Keira!" (Bend what?)

LUCY LIU
What makes her so unique? Went to Stuyvesant. Has freckles.

KEANU REEVES
Excellent Adventure days are past—now he plays a dentist.

NICOLE RICHIE
All we know is that she must be stopped immediately.

RAY ROMANO
Do comedians get any funnier than this beloved star? Possibly.

HOWARD STERN
Let's be quiet for a few years. How about...ten?